What did I mean by that? I explained.. if I can come to the marital bed having had no other lovers, then it proves to myself and to my husband that even when sorely tempted, I can resist. I can prove that I can, and will be totally sexually faithful once we are married. I can resist temptations and say ‘No Ta’ to the opportunities to indulge.
Even years before I met the gallant chap who was to take my hand (and the rest of me) in marriage I was honouring him and building up my own sense of self-control in the area of sexuality. It was more than just ‘saving myself’ for him, it was about despite close calls and moments where no one else was watching or would ever know.. I was able to find the will to back off when I had to and decline. Sometimes it felt like trying to peel chewing gum off a shoe.. but I am so glad I ‘bothered’.
9 years of happy marriage later, we are stronger than ever. Temptation just doesn’t even get a look in because it’s a non-issue. No one else on this planet holds as much magic and sparkle and fizz as he does – no one else even begins to attract me in that way. Even my most charming, wonderful male friends are just beloved ‘brothers from another mother’ in my eyes and heart.
Why am I posting this? Because a young, single friend of mine is struggling right now with this internal debate and our society is doing nothing to give her the mental stamina to resist, to wait, to hold on for the best. In her heart and soul she wants to say No (to herself as well as him) but in the moment it is so extremely difficult.
My lovely friend – stand strong and don’t give in or give it up! Prove to yourself that you can resist.
In practical terms; you need to leave this guy alone, get busy with something else, get out of the bakery before you persuade yourself one little taste of a cream bun won’t hurt. It’s not calorie free – there are consequences.
Imagine you are already married right now, imagine your lovely man CAN see you .. and now, walk away, turn on the light, peel yourself off and fix your eyes on the future. Patience has its own reward.